double life....


so being in sf for years has made me realize who i am as a person. its made me comfortable in my own skin. i dont have to put up the "los angeles" front. it doesn't matter what i look like, what music i like, what kind of people i associate with. for the first time in my life, i could be myself completely without worrying about it. now, most young people go through this phase, but trust me....growing up in LA was no joke.

then comes lifeguarding vs. sf life...

even to this day, when i travel to los angeles to work on the beach, i find myself having to play a role. not 100% sure what that role is...
maybe its my family, my old friends that already know that i am a little "hippie" in their eyes", the lifeguards as a whole...but i cant figure out what i ti s exactly. maybe its just me being back in my element. surfing, sailing, making rescues, helping people, the sand between my toes.
I find myself being much more of what (js) calls the "South Bay James." Same ol'cocky, thinks he knows it all guy that i am in sf, but with a socal twist. maybe thats why i am convinced that i may be a nice guy, but really deep down i am a total jerk.

most importantly, my friends and family accept who i am regardless of my personality flaws, and i am happy with the person i am...for the most part.

the past several months have been the best times of my life. at the same time, i am finding myself in dark places because of the way things work themselves out. one of my closest friends is kicking cancers ass right now, another is moving out of the city. i still have to get 10 days in on the beach before September 1st, and i have grips of employees to worry about in sf.

nobody said life was easy, but right now is a little overwhelming.


"Oh I get by with a little help from my friends,
Mmm I get high with a little help from my friends,
Mmm I'm gonna to try with a little help from my friends. "
~the beatles